Modern Romance (1981, Albert Brooks)

I think it's safe to assume that one would expect a film titled Modern Romance, accommodated with a poster consisting of a couple hugging each other, to be a romantic comedy. Yet in actuality it's an anti-romantic comedy, full of honest cringe inducing scenes... and the dialogue is hilarious.

Robert Cole, played by Albert Brooks (who also wrote and directed the film) is a modern man who has a cool flat, a gorgeous '68 Porsche 912, a great job as a film editor at AIP and a beautiful girlfriend named Mary, played by Kathryn Harrold. So of course he's miserable, and we ask ourselves what the hell is this guy's problem? 

The film begins in a diner where Mary and Robert meet for dinner before Robert ventures on back to work. They sit down and order, and just listening to his order ("mushroom omelette, cooked with very little butter, wholewheat toast dry, little butter on the side, ice coffee") we sense straight off the bat what sort of person this guys is. Then as the waitress leaves, Robert has something he wants to get off his chest, he's dropping the ball.  Leading to one of my favourite lines in the film, and man there are plenty.

Robert: I don't think that we should go out any more.

Mary: Okay. It's over again.

Robert: No, not "again". This is it. This is the last time. It's for real.

Mary: And you don't love me? 

Robert: I do love you. I mean, love has nothing to do with this. Yes, I love you. I mean, that makes it very confusing, but I just don't think... I mean... you've heard of a no-win situation, haven't you? 

Mary: No. 

Robert: No? Really, no? You've never heard of one? Vietnam? This? I'm telling you they're around. I think we're in one of them.

With this, we the audience are immediately aware of the sort of relationship they're "in" and the kind of film we're in for.  Of course they then part ways, and Robert heads back to work to his assistant Jay, played by Bruno Kirby. As soon as Robert arrives, he informs Jay of the earth shattering news that he just broke up. He certainty can't work, he's a mess... but maybe he should "we'll do the best work we've ever done". 

Just two seconds after he grabs the film reels, he hand them back to Jay "I can't work, I'm not that kind of guy." So Jay tells him he did the right thing, all they did was fight and hands him a couple of quaaludes tells him to go home and relax. "You're right, that's all we ever did... we fought and fought and had great sex. We never really could talk." Jay's response: "Do you need to talk?"

Now he's home, where he's of course popped both quaaludes at once, and this is where his performance really shines. You really get the sense that this man is off his rocker, the way he moves the way he talks to himself (and his bird Petey), even the way he's pleased with himself with his record collection. And then he takes out his loaded gun... his phone and rolodex (remember those?). Thus leading him to arrange a date with a woman whom he barley remembers, calling someone "Mr trash-can" and telling Jay he loves him. 

The couple of course get back together 'again' after a series of events, but just the morning after they've rekindled, Robert stumbles upon an long-distance phone-bill. So of course, Mary is clearly sleeping with this "man". This is all he thinks about, all he can think about.  All it takes is a guy to say something about Mary or look at her in a certain way or even be the only woman in a room, and his mind is running a marathon.

This film is a non-stop collection of quotable scenes, it's both brutally honest yet utterly hilarious. For one, he informs every single person he meets (including shop attendants) that he just broke up with his girlfriend. But at the end of the day, we're witnessing a couple who keep getting back together, where we the audience can see they should by all means never be together.  Imagine if you will, a concoction of Woody Allen's Annie Hall and John Cassavetes's Faces and you'll be in the ballpark of where this film's at.

Robert only truly loves Mary when they're not together, and when they are together, he's just letting his imagination run on a jealous spree.  As for Mary, she's so likeable but she just can't say no to the guy. It's kind of sad in a way.

Within this hilarious on again off again relationship film, we also have a great film about editing films. Robert and Jay are editing a B-film with veteran actor George Kennedy in the lead role with it's director David played by James L. Brooks (director of Terms of Endearment, Broadcast News and co-creator of The Simpsons). It's a real genuine glimpse into the old fashioned way of cutting film. 

One of my favourite scenes is where they have to dub a running scene, and the sound mixers are three seasoned men who've clearly seen it all and are fully aware of the B material they've been handed.  They are more sarcastic than Statler and Waldorf (the 2 old guys in the balcony) from the Muppets, it's hysterical. "What do you think?" asks Robert upon completion of the scene. "I think you saved the picture." Pure. Deadpan. Comedy.

Every note this film attempted, it hits with a sledgehammer. In fact, one of the greatest directors of all time was  a fan. Stanley Kubrick allegedly phoned Albert Brooks and asked how he got a film about jealousy made so perfectly. To which Albert replied "The guy who did '2001' is asking me how I did something?"

It's beyond me how this film flopped upon release. It has since gained a cult following but there's still a great amount of film-goers who have yet to discover this film, which is criminal. Do yourself a favour and seek out this awkward gem of a film, trust me you'll love it and the day after you'll adore it. Of course you'll be quoting it to no-end in hysterics to yourself. 

Rating: A

Click here for the Trailer.